Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 10 – Issue 6 – September, 2011
Run the Bases at Chase Field – Sunday, November 6 – Run Drugs out of Town is holding an all-day event to prevent youth drug use. Everyone gets a t-shirt and a medal. Register at: http://inspirehealth.org/chase.htm
Debunking Myths – They’re Too Little to Understand
Myth: Little kids aren’t paying any attention to what the grown ups are doing and there is no need to shield them from adult conversations.
Sometimes couples want to bring infants to their marital sessions, having no childcare, and thinking they are too little to catch what’s going on anyhow. Those same folks are having all sorts of arguments in front of their little ones at home, thinking the same thing, the child is too young to be affected by the adults.
Fact: Children absorb everything in their environment, even if they don’t understand it. Loud, angry voices are scary and the nervous system of a child begins getting wired to be permanently scared and edgy if his parents fight around him when he is small.
Children do not need to understand the words that are being said if mom is screaming and dad is swearing and someone throws something and then someone slams a door. What they do understand is that the world isn’t a safe place to be and that no one is particularly looking out for their best interest. An infant in that setting feels very scared, alone, and can become hopeless and depressed, all before the age of 2.
As children age and become more verbal, adults generally have the good sense to start spelling around them when Christmas and birthdays approach, and should take that same approach when tempers flare and words start being used that are not appropriate for a child to hear.
If you wouldn’t want your 14-year-old to say it to you, don’t say it in front of your child at any age.
August Discussion Question: Where would you live if you could just pick up and move anywhere?
Midwestern Reader LLA offers this:
I would like to live on some island where I can give sailboat rides/tours for a living. But the island can not have huge bugs or hurricanes, so it is going to be a search for the right place. (That is my magic play land). If I had no choice but to move someplace other than where I am now, I would probably choose a place on a lake at the foothills of the Rockies in Colorado. Then I would have my water AND beautiful mountains.
Thanks for your submission! Great Answer! You will now be receiving Dr. Marlo Temporary Tattoos and the brand new Dr. Marlo Sunglasses!
September Discussion Question: What did you wish you knew before you took your current job?
E-mail answers to: email@example.com and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them. Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive our Dr. Marlo Sunglasses!
Thought For The Day: Multi-tasking often just allows you to do more things poorly at once.
PERSONAL GROWTH EXERCISE
To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise. These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services. The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs. E-Coaching Sessions are available for $50 each.
Comparing your Insides to Other People’s Outsides
We’ve heard the phrase, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,” and we know it relates to a phenomenon that happens when we are standing in the middle of our own world, with all of it’s struggles, looking for an easier way, a more satisfying life, and we begin looking at how other people have it and we think that their lives are easier, happier, better than ours. We begin to fantasize that if we’d just leave our life and join theirs, everything would be great.
The problem here is that we’re comparing our “insides” with other people’s “outsides.” When you’re looking at someone else’s “grass,” you are only seeing the outward image that they show out in the world. We see them dressed up, successful, winning awards, publishing books, making income, winning track meets, getting thoughtful gifts from their children, all sorts of wonderful things that can make us envious.
What we forget to take into account many times is that we are comparing our full and total truth, our “insides” with the version of them that they present to the world, their “outsides.” It’s comparing apples to oranges and it’s not fair. The man in the designer suit may be popping antacids like candy to cope with his stressful job. The award-winning candidates may not have any real friends to hug them at the award ceremony. The winning track star may be suffering silently with anorexia. These are the things that are not seen, they are the part of the story we don’t have access to, and it’s not fair to compare our whole story with only a part of someone elses.
The challenge this month is to catch yourself at each moment of jealousy and ask yourself what else might be true about what you are seeing. When you envy the Lexus, consider what they are sacrificing to make the payments. When you see young lovers cuddling in the part, consider what traumas they may have been through that give them the ability to seek comfort from another. When you see the older gentleman with the bombshell girlfriend, consider the cost he might have paid in terms of his children disowning him…..
Take a moment, each time you get jealous, and ask yourself what else might be true. Learn to compare your insides to other people’s potential insides, not just to the outsides that we are shown. Everyone puts their best foot forward. No one sets out to disclose their ugly truths in public, and yet, we all have those things as part of our whole story. You are not unique in having struggles, spend some time imagining the unseen struggles of those you envy.
For a FREE 5-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you! We may share your report in our next newsletter with your name, last initial, and state of residence (unless you tell us not to). Send to FreeSessions@drmarlo.com. (Offer Expires 10-30-11)
E-Coaching! Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness. Not every issue is a trauma. Not every botherment is an emotional disorder. For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching! Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth. We are offering the 10-Session package for $500. Begin by calling 480-705-5007 to make a $500 payment, then send an e-mail to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!
Publish Your Work – Promote your Practice – Two ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $25, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included). We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions. Send creative contributions to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Wou! –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.
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