Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 5 – Issue 6 – August, 2006
Fund raising Goal Reached! – Thanks to everyone who donated time, energy, ideas, money, socks, running shoes, walking shoes, walking sandals, decorative pins, hand-made earrings, foot care and pain relief products, hats, nutritional items, noisemakers, creativity, good wishes, personal and family stories, tee-shirts, Aware Bear, and an individual misting system! We surpassed our fund raising goal and I’m also well-outfitted to do the Breast Cancer 3-Day walk in November. Jerry Johnson, of Niche Wear International, generously donated two pairs of Spira shoes for me to evaluate and use at the event. So far, so good. They felt very comfortable right away and I think I walk faster in them due to the energy return of the metal springs encased in the soles. Finally, if any of you would like to send me mail that I would actually receive AT THE EVENT, you can mail postcards or letters (no boxes/packages) to the following address by October 20th:
Breast Cancer 3-Day Camp Post Office – Arizona
Attn: Marlo Archer – Participant ID: 45320691
1200 W. 35th Ave Suite #360
Chicago, IL 60609
Debunking Myths – Psychological Abuse – Fact or Fiction?
Myth: This month’s question comes from a future reader, Lee H., that we just met at the Art of Recovery Expo. Lee reported that her soon-to-be ex-husband psychologically abused her, but that she cannot get anyone in her family to believe her and they all think she is just terrible for leaving her husband for ‘no reason.’ She asked if psychological abuse is a real thing or not.
Fact: As we told Lee, psychological abuse is most certainly a real thing and it isn’t any more or less acceptable or appropriate in a loving relationship than any other sort of abuse. However, it is much harder to define, and therefore, to recognize, defend against, or get protection from. The law at least addresses parental psychological abuse of children as being illegal, but there is a whole lot of variance in what people consider to be psychologically abusive. There are evolving domestic violence laws that try to address specific behaviors that can constitute psychological abuse between adults, but any time we start trying to legislate appropriate behavior between lovers, there is often a great deal of objection to government interference in matters of the heart, so the laws become difficult to pass, difficult to enforce, and offenders difficult to prosecute.
However, the easiest thing to say about psychological abuse is that you don’t have to stand for it. No one is entitled to batter you emotionally – not your parents, not your spouse, not your friends. When you feel emotionally injured, it is up to you to report your feelings to your loved one and see if you can work out a solution that’s acceptable to both of you. If not, it is also up to you to decide what you’re going to do if an agreeable solution cannot be reached. If your parents are continuing to emotionally abuse you when you are an independent adult, you have the right to reduce or end your association with them. Same goes for an abusive spouse. You owe it to yourself, your spouse, and your children to try to work out your differences in an adult manner, but if your spouse insists on terrorizing you emotionally, you do not need to just accept that as your lot in life. Psychological abuse is real and it’s not okay.
August Discussion Question: If you could ask any question to any of your living relatives and be certain to get a completely truthful answer, what would you ask, to whom?
Several powerful answers were sent this month – WOW!
Ella J. from OK says: I would ask my dad if he ever had an affair with my aunt JoAnne.
Cherise M., a long-time NE reader replies: Although I would be very scared to know the answer, I would ask my mother, right to her face, if she ever actually loved anyone in her whole life, including me, including my father, including my two sisters, and including her own parents.
Cindy R. from WI says: I’ve always wondered if I was adopted. I don’t know why, but I never had the courage to ask because I’m sure they would say I’m not, but if they had to tell the truth, I would ask my parents if I was adopted.
Thanks for the great answers! Those of you who included your mailing address will receive your Dr. Marlo prizes soon!
September Discussion Question: Who, in your life, would really benefit from your forgiveness, if only you could give it?
E-mail answers to: email@example.com and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them. Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive one of the “Return to Wellness” Roomarangs as well as temporary tattoos until supplies are exhausted.
Thought For The Day: When you know who’s on your side, it’s only a matter of time before you find out whether you will win or lose.
NEW FEATURE – PERSONAL GROWTH EXERCISE
To promote our E-Coaching services, our newsletter now includes a personal growth exercise each month. These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities you may be asked to complete if you were using our E-Coaching services. The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs. We are currently offering 10 E-Coaching Sessions at the Introductory price of $100 total.
Humans just HATE to be WRONG!
Don’t you hate being wrong? It’s even worse when someone points it out to you. It’s even more humiliating when someone adds an infamous, “I told you so” to their critique. Ewwww! We just hate being wrong!
Now, the good news is that you can use that human trait to your advantage if you know how to use it. The tenancy to hate being wrong is so strong that you can actually force yourself to change your own undesirable behavior to make yourself right by telling yourself something that you want to be true about yourself, but requires the behavior change in order to be true.
I know that sounds a little tricky, so I’m going to break it down. Let’s say that you want to get a promotion at work. What you probably tell yourself is that you WANT a promotion. Well, that’s true. You want the promotion. Your brain says, ‘Yep, you’re right. You want the promotion,’ and meanwhile, the rest of you doesn’t really do anything differently to try to get the promotion, you just go on wanting it. If you would, instead, say to yourself, “I am the Assistant Manager,” your brain hears these (incorrect) words and starts to tell you that you’re wrong, you’re not actually the Assistant Manager, but telling yourself that you’re wrong is so hard to do, that we would rather not do it. We would rather just become the Assistant Manager so that we can be right.
Now, of course, you don’t just say it, and Boom! it comes true. No, there is a slow transformation that happens when you start telling yourself things like that. You tell yourself you’re the Assistant Manager and immediately, you make a slight shift in your posture, a slight change in your facial expressions, you start looking at your co-workers as potential supervisees, you start taking your job a whole lot more seriously, etc. Well, the more you keep acting like that, the more likely it is that you’re going to be considered for a promotion. Also, if you’re thinking of yourself as deserving of that position, when you see a job announcement for the position, you won’t hesitate to apply for it, because, after all, you already know you are the Assistant Manager. All you need to do now is let the rest of the company know, too.
Begin this exercise by writing down 5 positive things about yourself that you would like to say are true, but you cannot currently say they are true. Here are some examples:
I am rich. I am successful. I am a corporate tax lawyer. I own horses. I drive a convertible. I can read Spanish. I own my own home. I report directly to the CEO. I am a leader in my community.
Use your imagination and your creativity! Write down 5 statements that are not quite true yet, and say them to yourself as often as you can. Say them several times in the morning. Write notes to yourself and post them on your computer. Repeat them to yourself at lunch break or while working out on the treadmill. Say them to yourself before you go to bed and each time you get angry or scared about anything.
Do this for at least 2 weeks and you will be amazed at the changes you will make in your own behavior, just so you don’t have to be wrong!!!
For a FREE 10-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you! Send to FreeSessions@drmarlo.com. (Offer Expires 10-16-06)
E-Coaching! Introductory Price – Only $100 for Ten Sessions
Not every problem is a mental illness. Not every issue is a trauma. Not every botherment is an emotional disorder. For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching! Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth. We are currently offering the 10-Session package for the introductory price of $100. Begin by using PayPal to send a $100 payment to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, then send an e-mail to that same e-mail address, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!
Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness – Entertainment & Education
Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness has been held on Friday mornings since July without much additional interest. Expect a change back to Thursday nights if the pattern continues through December, or suggest a new date/time. Each month we show a free movie with a mental health theme. Interested parties can stay after the movie for a discussion about the movie. One credit informal CE awarded for a $10 fee. Upcoming Features: October 13 – Saw. November 10 – Derailed. Networking at 9:00am, Movie at 9:15am, Discussion until 11:30am. December 8 – Special All-Day Star Wars Movie Marathon. January – Fearless. Sign up for Movie Madness updates by sending a blank e-mail with ‘subscribe’ in the subject line to MovieMadness@drmarlo.com.
Publish Your Work – Promote your Practice – Two ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $10, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included). We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions. Send creative contributions to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Dr. Marlo in the Media – Our 12-day vacation to the South to visit graduate school friends kept me out of the media this month, but here are a few public mentions:
I will be presenting a goal-setting seminar on September 27th at Get Psyched! the store. Join us for “Take Baby Steps and Do Something Outrageous!”
Thanks to the Ahwatukee Foothills Chamber of Commerce for mentioning the Breast Cancer 3-Day in their Member News & Events!
The Psychology Session – Internet Radio Show – On Hiatus – Season Two has begun, complete with the addition of our broadcasting intern, Ryan. Check out our new sound this season thanks to Ryan. A change in scheduling has derailed our live broadcast, but we will still be regularly uploading new shows for podcatching and for download, so just go to our archives and download any of our shows. We welcome show suggestions and advertising sales. E-mail suggestions or inquiries to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com. Order SEASON ONE ON CD! Only $10. Send requests to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com.
How did I get on this Mailing List? – This mailing list started with all of my family and friends and colleagues, about 6 years ago. Since then, I have added just about any e-mail address I come across as well as people who request to join the mailing list. If you do not want to be on this list, you can unsubscribe by clicking the unsubscribe link below. I continue to subscribe people upon receiving their e-mail addresses because I get positive feedback for doing so from many of those I subscribe. My apologies if you are not one of them.
Life is not a competitive sport. –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.
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TO PODCATCH THE PSYCHOLOGY SESSION:
This is an introduction to the podcatching process, by Techie Jon Archer, translated into English (but very poorly understood) by Dr. Marlo Archer.
Podcasting is the process of broadcasting over the internet and Podcatching is the process of receiving, or subscribing to, such broadcasts. Although these procedures were popularized by the Apple iPod devices, you do not need to own an iPod to have fun with Podcasting and Podcatching.
Devin Jones, M.Ed. and Dr. Marlo have been Podcasting an internet show called The Psychology Session for almost a year now. Now you can learn how to Podcatch it.
However, if you do already own and regularly use an iPod to subscribe to Podcasts, all you need to do is add the following link to your subscriptions to begin receiving our show:
The rest of you will first need to download a Podcatcher. That is software and we recommend one called, “Juice,” which is free. To download and install Juice:
Go to http://juicereceiver.sourceforge.net/index.php. Download the version of Juice that will work with your machine – either Windows, or Mac, or Linux. You will be asked to ‘select a mirror.’ All that means is that you’re selecting a website from which to download the free software. There are ‘mirrors’ all over the world. Find one that is close to your location and click the “Download” link. When a window opens to ask what you want to do with the program, select “save to disk,” then hit, ‘okay.’
When the program file is done downloading, go to where the file is and open it. That is, go to where your computer puts new downloads and open the program. It will be called something like: JuiceSetup.exe. It will probably have numbers between the words Juice and Setup (e.g. Juice22Setup.exe.), but those numbers may change between today and when you try this process, so I am not going to put exact numbers in there right now. Anyhow, it doesn’t matter, you probably don’t have anything else in your download folder that looks like JuiceSetup anyhow. It will be an ‘executable’ file and your computer may have some concerns about that, but that’s okay and you should reassure your machine that it will be alright.
The Juice Setup Wizard will then take over and help you install the program. For most common folk, all the default settings are fine, just agree with everything and keep hitting, ‘okay’ or ‘next.’ until you get through all the screens. The only thing you may want to change is that you may want for Juice to be installed into your start-up folder, meaning that it would automatically check for new broadcasts every time you power up your machine. If you specifically want that, you have to select that during the installation process. The default is to only put an icon on your desktop. For those of you who are intimidated by this process, the desktop icon alone will be fine, so don’t worry about anything I just said, just let the Wizard install Juice the way it wants to.
You may have a firewall that informs you that Juice is trying to access the internet. You should let it. You then must agree with the licensing agreement to begin using the program.
Then you can follow the ITunes Setup Assistant to configure it for your machine. It will probably inform you that Juice is not set to handle some file types and ask you if you want to set them now. You can hit ‘yes.’ and then hit ‘save’ when it goes to the ‘one-click subscription’ options. The items: .rss and podcast should already be checked, and that’s fine.
Now, to subscribe to our show, The Psychology Session, click on the little green plus sign, to add a subscription. When the window opens, cut and paste this into the URL space:
and then hit ‘save.’
It will instantly catalog all our past shows for you and only the most recent one will be selected to download. You can download as many or as few as you want. Select the shows you want to download by checking the little box to the left of the show titles. Then, when you are ready to download them, click on the green square button that has two yellow arrows on it. (Hovering over the button reveals the words, “Check for new podcasts”)
Once your selected shows are downloaded, a green ‘play’ button will appear next to each show you downloaded. Click on that ‘play’ button to play the show.
When you’re ready to quit listening and close the Juice program, it will ask you if you want to just leave Juice running in the background. If you do that, it will automatically download new episodes of The Psychology Session if any come out while your computer is still on. To have Juice running constantly, you would have had to let it install itself into your start-up directory during the installation process.
When you return to your computer on another day and you want to check if you have any new podcasts, click on the Juice icon (a yellow lemon) to open the Juice program.
This whole process will create a new directory in the “My Documents” directory, called “My Received Podcasts.” It will even organize each of your subscriptions into it’s own folder. There should be a folder there for The Psychology Session, if you installed it correctly and downloaded at least one show.
There may also be some sort of Adam Curry iPodder Test Channel there, and you can just ignore that. Deleting it probably won’t actually make it go away. If you really don’t want it there, then you have to go into the Juice program and unsubscribe from the Adam Curry iPodder Test Channel, then go delete the folder. Otherwise, it will just keep downloading the welcome message for you. You will also be automatically subscribed to “Juice News” which doesn’t currently have any messages in it. You can unsubscribe from that or ignore it, whichever you prefer.
That’s it. You’d be subscribed to our show and ready to Podcatch!