June 2008

Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 7 – Issue 6 – June, 2008

PSA Art Awakenings GRAND OPENING of new TEMPE STUDIO – July 11th – 4-6pm – Art Awakenings’ vision is to promote empowerment and recovery through the power of creative expression with children and adults that face behavioral health challenges.  Art Awakenings provides safe and supportive environments that foster exploration and development of artistic skills.

A 4pm ribbon cutting will be followed by Studio Tours, Art Demonstrations, Live Music, and Refreshments.  1243 E. Broadway Road, Suite 103 in Tempe. 

Debunking Myths – If you care, you have to keep trying

I sometimes meet with people who find themselves stuck in really painful relationships –  an adult daughter with a verbally abusive elderly mother, a guy whose childhood pal routinely shows up on his doorstep, looking for a handout, a man whose sister ignores his advice, makes irresponsible relationship decisions and then turns to him for support – and people often torture themselves in these relationships, thinking that they simply must keep trying to make them work because they really care about the other person.

Fact: Provided the relationship is not abusive, you can keep trying if you want to, but you seriously don’t have to.

Sometimes relationships are simply not meant to be.  It is not essential to force yourself to have a relationship with someone you care about simply because you care about them if the relationship is too painful or difficul t.  It’s okay to say, “I love you, but I cannot continue our relationship.”  Parents and children are sometimes mismatched with regard to personality.  That makes for a difficult relationship during childhood for sure, but it continues to be difficult even into adulthood, and you simply don’t have to continue the relationship, or continue it at the same level it was while the child was young.  There is no sense to forcing a relationship that is painful, abusive, or toxic.

Does that mean we must all run out and divorce our toxic family members and friends?  Not necessarily.  Some may choose to do that, and that may be totally appropriate, but another way of coping with that sort of difficult relationship is to protect yourself from harm by distancing yourself emotionally from the person with whom you have difficulty.  You will still be able to attend family functions, visit with your friends, and interact with the individual, but for your ow n safety, you may keep the relationship on a more superficial level to preserve the relationship in some form rather than lose it altogether.

Certainly, if someone is abusing you in some way, you should seriously consider ending the relationship, but if it’s just difficult, and not abusive, you may decide to just protect yourself instead, and stay in the relationship so you can enjoy the gifts it does offer, if you have the strength to accept their quirks without taking them personally.

May Discussion Question: When is it hardest for you to say you are sorry?

Gary, in UT, had this to say:

My daughter and I argue and I think I know what is best for her, but she doesn’t agree.  Sometimes when she goes against me, it does work out for her and I really have a hard time admitti ng I might have been wrong.

Great answer, Gary!  Watch your mail for your treats!

June Discussion Question: How have secrets impacted your life?

E-mail answers to: discussion@drmarlo.com and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them.  Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive our fantastic information cards, RECOVERY REMINDERS, and a couple of temporary tattoos, just for fun.

Thought For The Day: Nobody reaches a goal without help along the way.

To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise.  These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services.  The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs.  We currently offer a package of 10 E-Coaching Sessions for $500.

Imaginary Friends
Lots of young kids have imaginary friends, someone they talk to that no one else can see.  They sometimes choose characters with whom they are familiar from TV or movies, or an animal that can talk, and sometimes they just make up another little kid to play with.  Kids differ in how open they are about their imaginary friends.  Some only play that way when they are entir ely alone.  Some will share their imaginary friends with their real friends.  Some will insist very firmly on the existence of their invisible pals, even when others might be arguing with them.  In any case, imaginary friends play an important part of some children’s inner world and development.  Some of you reading this have had imaginary friends yourself.  Maybe you remember them clearly, or more vaguely, or maybe you only know you had one because your parents told you about it once you were older.  Although we do outgrow the need for imaginary friends, this month’s exercise asks us to temporarily revisit our childhood imaginary friend or make one up now, just to have the experience.

Find yourself a quiet place and time and either remember your own imaginary friend or think one up.  Spend a few minutes thinking about what sorts of things you could share with an imaginary friend.  This is a friend who won’t divulge your secrets, who w on’t laugh at you or criticize, someone who is willing to do what you want to do, and someone who really likes you just the way you are.  Talk with your friend for a few minutes and imagine what your friend might say to you.  You may even ask some questions about current issues in your life.  You’ll be amazed at how smart imaginary friends are sometimes.  After you’ve had some time with your pal, thank them for coming to spend time with you, bid them farewell for now, and take in whatever they told you and keep it for yourself permanently.

Kids know what grown-ups sometimes forget – we generally have all the answers we need, we simply need to ask ourselves for them, then seriously listen to our own answer.

For a FREE 5-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you!  We may share your report in our next newsletter with your name, last initial, and state of residence (unless you tell us not to).  Send to FreeSessions@drmarlo.com.  (Offer Expires 7-28-08)

E-Coaching!  Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness.  Not every issue is a trauma.  Not every botherment is an emotional disorder.  For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching!  Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth.  We are offering the 10-Session package for $500.  Begin by using PayPal to send a $500 payment to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, then send an e-mail to that same e-mail address, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!

Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness – Entertainment and Education
Something exciting is underfoot!  Later this year, Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness will change venues.  We will move this event from the office to our home where we will be able to accommodate up to 10 credentialed clinicians comfortably to enjoy a movie, popcorn, and informal continuing education.  We will continue to show the movie for free and offer the CE certificate for $10.  Suggest a movie now for our debut in September and mark your calendar for Thursday, September 11th from 6:15pm – 9:00pm.  Other upcoming features: November 13th – Juno.  January 8th – Music Within – Suggested by Christine Kling of Tempe Police Volunteer Program.  If your selection is chosen and you have included your mailing address, we will send you a FREE DVD MOVIE from previous years’ Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness. Sign up for Movie Madness updates by sending a blank e-mail with ‘subscribe’ in the subject line to MovieMadness@drmarlo.com.

Publish Your Work – Promote your PracticeTwo ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $15, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included).  We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions.  Current subscribers = 2736.  Send creative contributions to:  articles@drmarlo.com.

Dr. Marlo in the Media

Caring for a child goes awry when a local woman chains her 13-year-old grandson to his bed.  Dr. Marlo comments on Channel 5.  The story and video can be seen online by clicking here.

The Psychology Session – Internet Radio Show – ON HIATUSAll three seasons of The Psychology Session are available online.  We continue to welcome show suggestions and advertising sales and look forward to our FOURTH season, beginning in August .  E-mail suggestions or inquiries to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com.  Order SEASONS ONE THROUGH THREE ON CD!  Only $20.  Send requests to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com.

Be good to yourself! –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.

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