Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 6 – Issue 3 – April, 2007
ACBVI – Arizona Center for the Blind and Visually Impaired – Local Author, Steve Welker, will be at Changing Hands Bookstore, Monday, May 14th, at 7:00 pm to sign copies of his book, The World at My Fingertips. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to ACBVI. If you cannot attend, please consider making a donation to ACBVI so they can continue to provide essential services to blind and visually impaired Arizona residents. For some idea of what it would be like to function with various forms of vision loss, go to ACBVI’s Vision Loss Simulation.
Debunking Myths – He’s 9 years old, he should know how to clean his room!
Myth: Meeting with parents, I frequently hear parents give a child’s age as evidence that they should have some particular skill. They may say, “She’s 16, she should be able to empty the dishwasher without being reminded,” or “He’s 5, he should be able to dress himself by now.”
Fact: A kid generally can’t do anything you don’t teach him how to do and it doesn’t matter how old he is.
Do you, as an adult, know how to run a lathe? Replace the transmission on your car? Install a toilet? Play the harmonica? Calculate adjustable rate mortgages? Why not? Aren’t you well over 25 years of age? Shouldn’t you know those things by now? Well, of course, you’re not going to know how to do any of those things unless someone has taught you. You don’t just pick up those skills by osmosis.
Kids don’t, either. Kids can certainly learn how to do various tasks by watching you, but how often do we actually have our kids concentrate on watching us do a specific task? Generally we’re doing it in one room and they’re off playing in another. The only learning that’s taking place for them is that they’re learning that whatever it is, it’s a job you do.
In order to teach a kid a skill – any skill – you have to make it interesting and fun for starters. You should do the task with them many, many, many times, allowing them to help progressively more each time. After a while, they should be able to do the whole task themselves, but only when you’re there with them, watching, coaching, and cheering them on. After a while, you will be able to leave them alone for short amounts of time while they’re working, but when they go too long unsupervised, they forget what they’re supposed to be doing or they lose interest and begin doing something else. Once you know your child can sustain attention on the task long enough to get it done, then you can finally require them to do the task, offering a positive consequence for completion. Once they are reliably doing the task and getting the reward, you can slowly withdraw the reward, making the pay-off less frequent or trade tangible items for more abstract privileges or praise.
It is not until you’ve gone through all those steps that you can actually expect that your kid does know how to do the task. Then, when they’re not doing it, go ahead and hold them accountable, knowing you’ve done your job of teaching them.
March Discussion Question: Do you have any superstitions (lucky socks, favorite number, won’t buy a blue car, etc.)?
New reader, Cindy F., of Mesa, AZ, offers this interesting answer:
A long time ago, I ordered popcorn at the movies and I got one of those little husks stuck under my tongue. It was so uncomfortable that I have never ordered popcorn at a movie again. I guess it’s not too bad, though, because it saves money and calories.
Thanks for your contribution, Cindy! Your Dr. Marlo prizes are on their way!
April Discussion Question: What wish do you currently have for your closest friend?
E-mail answers to: email@example.com and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them. Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive one of the “Return to Wellness” Roomerangs as well as temporary tattoos until supplies are exhausted, and it won’t be long until we run out of those. Watch for some new and exciting Dr. Marlo prizes in upcoming months!
Thought For The Day: Group Therapy is most effective for those who really don’t want to go to group therapy.
PERSONAL GROWTH EXERCISE
To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise each month. These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services. The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs. We currently offer a package of 10 E-Coaching Sessions for $500.
Life presents us with enough challenge that we are almost never without things that get us worried. However, life also presents us with enough wonderful things that we are almost never without things to make us thankful, either. But yet, when we have both good things and bad, both happy times and sad, both triumphs and failures, we tend to focus more on the negative and take the positive for granted. We don’t have to worry about the good stuff so we just don’t think about it much at all. We save our energy for the problems, focusing all of our time and attention there instead of on all the great things that are going on.
Today’s activity is designed to focus you on the good things in your life. For this exercise, you will be asked to write 10 Thank-Yous. You can go to a craft or stationary store and get a cute pack of 10 note cards if you like, but that’s simply not required. Post-Its will work just fine, too. Even e-mail thank-yous are appropriate for this exercise. The main challenge is that you will need to write 10.
Here are some suggestions, but you most certainly don’t have to stick to these:
1) Think only about this past week, the people with whom you’ve had direct contact. Co-workers, fast food restaurant employees, waiters and waitresses, grocery store clerks, classmates, immediate family members, roommates, romantic partners, etc. Select 3 people who did something just this week that you appreciated. Maybe your roommate took the garbage out, the 7-11 clerk had your favorite chips and soda on the counter for you when you walked in, your sister remembered to ask you how your interview went, or a co-worker asked you to lunch. Nothing major, just something little that you appreciate. WRITE 3 THANK-YOUS FOR PEOPLE WHO DID SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU THIS WEEK.
2) Now think about your entire family – parents, kids, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, cousins, and your in-laws. Over the past year or two, who, in your family, has done something that you really needed, really appreciated, or that really made you feel special? Maybe Aunt Sally remembered your birthday, Cousin Randy gave you a hug when you were feeling down, or Uncle Chip sent you a silly little surprise in the mail for no reason. It doesn’t have to be that they donated a kidney to save your life, (although, if they did, a huge thank-you is most certainly in order), but just anything that you really appreciated. WRITE 3 THANK-YOUS FOR FAMILY MEMBERS WHO HAVE DONE SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU IN THE PAST YEAR OR TWO.
3) Now thinking about your friends, there are certain friends who would give you the shirt off their back, any day, any time, any reason, and those folks most certainly need to be thanked every once in a while, although many of them are so generous because it’s just second-nature to them. However, you also have a friend or two who rarely gives anyone anything. Perhaps he is poor, or busy, or lacks self-confidence, but for whatever reason, you’ve probably got a friend whose gifts are much more rare. Acknowledge one of each of these sorts of friends. WRITE A THANK-YOU TO YOUR MOST GENEROUS FRIEND AND TO YOUR LEAST GENEROUS FRIEND, THANKING EACH FOR SOMETHING THEY HAVE GIVEN YOU OR DONE FOR YOU DURING YOUR FRIENDSHIP.
4) This next one is quite serious. Take a moment and try to think of one person who did something for you that changed the course of your life in a seriously positive manner. Perhaps it was a guidance counselor in high school who told you that you didn’t have to be a brick layer like your dad, maybe your friend Benji called you just as you were contemplating suicide and you never told him that his phone call saved your life, perhaps a friend picked you up from jail and gave you a lecture that changed your life, or a girlfriend made you turn down cocaine at a party that later killed another one of your friends. This note is for someone who essentially saved your life, gave you life, or changed your life in a significant way. WRITE ONE VERY SERIOUS THANK-YOU TO A LIFESAVER.
5) Finally, think about ending the activity by writing a thank-you note to a stranger. There are people, every day, who do things for us and we don’t get the chance, or take the time, to thank them. When the person ahead of you pauses for a moment to hold the door for you, when someone accidentally bumps you and takes the time to sincerely apologize to you, when you drop some papers and a random stranger stops to help you pick them up, when random strangers take time to help us when they don’t even know us, they deserve a thank-you, too. Write one thank-you to that person, that person who stops to help, and carry that thank-you with you, sealed and ready to hand to someone at a moment’s notice. You will probably forget to give it the first couple of times someone random helps you, but after a while, you’ll remember you’re carrying it and you’ll be able to quickly hand it to that random stranger. WRITE A GENERIC THANK-YOU TO A RANDOM STRANGER AND CARRY IT WITH YOU.
Now, once all these thank-yous are written, make sure you deliver them. Send them in the mail, leave them where they will be found, hand them to the recipient in person, e-mail them, or slip them under a door. It doesn’t matter how they get there, but just get them there.
Good Luck, and Thank YOU for reading this newsletter!
For a FREE 10-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you! Send to FreeSessions@drmarlo.com. (Offer Expires 5-14-07)
E-Coaching! Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness. Not every issue is a trauma. Not every botherment is an emotional disorder. For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching! Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth. We are offering the 10-Session package for $500. Begin by using PayPal to send a $500 payment to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, then send an e-mail to that same e-mail address, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!
Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness – Entertainment and Education
Each month we show a free movie with a mental health theme. Interested parties can stay after the movie for a discussion about the movie. One credit informal CE awarded for a $10 fee. Networking 7:15-7:30pm, Movie at 7:30pm, Discussion until 10pm. Upcoming Features: Thursday April 19 – Fearless (Suggested by Pat Stacy), Thursday May 17 – In Her Shoes (Suggested by Marcie Edmonds), Thursday, June 21 – Kinky Boots (Suggested by Kory Kranz), Thursday, July 19 – Little Miss Sunshine, Thursday, August 30 – The Devil Wears Prada, Thursday, September 13 – Radio (Suggested by Duane Brickner), Thursday, October 18 – Harold & Maude.
Suggest movies for November 8, December 13, or January 17. If your selection is chosen and you have included your mailing address, we will send you a FREE DVD MOVIE from previous years’ Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness. Sign up for Movie Madness updates by sending a blank e-mail with ‘subscribe’ in the subject line to MovieMadness@drmarlo.com.
Publish Your Work – Promote your Practice – Two ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $10, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included). We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions. Current subscribers = 2483. Send creative contributions to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Dr. Marlo in the Media
Fox 10’s Alexis DelChiaro interviewed Dr. Marlo about Brittany Spears’ bizarre behavior
on Arizona Morning. Click on the link to watch the interview. Substance abuse, post-partum depression, and bipolar disorder are discussed.
We write a monthly column about teenagers for Arizona Together Newspaper, Arizona’s Good News “Newspaper,” Established 1991. Read April’s article, “Dare to Discipline” online. Arizona Together currently reaches 50,000 readers monthly who are interested in recovery from addictions of all kinds.
We also write a monthly article for www.EVLiving.com, Your Guide to the East Valley. Read April’s article, “Conservation Coming Back” in the Everyday Solutions section.
The Psychology Session – Internet Radio Show – Season Two – Go to our archives to download any of our shows. We welcome show suggestions and advertising sales. E-mail suggestions or inquiries to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com. Order SEASON ONE ON CD! Only $10. Send requests to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com.
Cherish even your bad experiences, they helped you get to where you are. –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.
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TO PODCATCH THE PSYCHOLOGY SESSION:
This is an introduction to the podcatching process, by Techie Jon Archer, translated into English (but very poorly understood) by Dr. Marlo Archer.
Podcasting is the process of broadcasting over the internet and Podcatching is the process of receiving, or subscribing to, such broadcasts. Although these procedures were popularized by the Apple iPod devices, you do not need to own an iPod to have fun with Podcasting and Podcatching.
Devin Jones, M.Ed. and Dr. Marlo have been Podcasting an internet show called The Psychology Session for almost a year now. Now you can learn how to Podcatch it.
However, if you do already own and regularly use an iPod to subscribe to Podcasts, all you need to do is add the following link to your subscriptions to begin receiving our show:
The rest of you will first need to download a Podcatcher. That is software and we recommend one called, “Juice,” which is free. To download and install Juice:
Go to http://juicereceiver.sourceforge.net/index.php. Download the version of Juice that will work with your machine – either Windows, or Mac, or Linux. You will be asked to ‘select a mirror.’ All that means is that you’re selecting a website from which to download the free software. There are ‘mirrors’ all over the world. Find one that is close to your location and click the “Download” link. When a window opens to ask what you want to do with the program, select “save to disk,” then hit, ‘okay.’
When the program file is done downloading, go to where the file is and open it. That is, go to where your computer puts new downloads and open the program. It will be called something like: JuiceSetup.exe. It will probably have numbers between the words Juice and Setup (e.g. Juice22Setup.exe.), but those numbers may change between today and when you try this process, so I am not going to put exact numbers in there right now. Anyhow, it doesn’t matter, you probably don’t have anything else in your download folder that looks like JuiceSetup anyhow. It will be an ‘executable’ file and your computer may have some concerns about that, but that’s okay and you should reassure your machine that it will be alright.
The Juice Setup Wizard will then take over and help you install the program. For most common folk, all the default settings are fine, just agree with everything and keep hitting, ‘okay’ or ‘next.’ until you get through all the screens. The only thing you may want to change is that you may want for Juice to be installed into your start-up folder, meaning that it would automatically check for new broadcasts every time you power up your machine. If you specifically want that, you have to select that during the installation process. The default is to only put an icon on your desktop. For those of you who are intimidated by this process, the desktop icon alone will be fine, so don’t worry about anything I just said, just let the Wizard install Juice the way it wants to.
You may have a firewall that informs you that Juice is trying to access the internet. You should let it. You then must agree with the licensing agreement to begin using the program.
Then you can follow the ITunes Setup Assistant to configure it for your machine. It will probably inform you that Juice is not set to handle some file types and ask you if you want to set them now. You can hit ‘yes.’ and then hit ‘save’ when it goes to the ‘one-click subscription’ options. The items: .rss and podcast should already be checked, and that’s fine.
Now, to subscribe to our show, The Psychology Session, click on the little green plus sign, to add a subscription. When the window opens, cut and paste this into the URL space:
and then hit ‘save.’
It will instantly catalog all our past shows for you and only the most recent one will be selected to download. You can download as many or as few as you want. Select the shows you want to download by checking the little box to the left of the show titles. Then, when you are ready to download them, click on the green square button that has two yellow arrows on it. (Hovering over the button reveals the words, “Check for new podcasts”)
Once your selected shows are downloaded, a green ‘play’ button will appear next to each show you downloaded. Click on that ‘play’ button to play the show.
When you’re ready to quit listening and close the Juice program, it will ask you if you want to just leave Juice running in the background. If you do that, it will automatically download new episodes of The Psychology Session if any come out while your computer is still on. To have Juice running constantly, you would have had to let it install itself into your start-up directory during the installation process.
When you return to your computer on another day and you want to check if you have any new podcasts, click on the Juice icon (a yellow lemon) to open the Juice program.
This whole process will create a new directory in the “My Documents” directory, called “My Received Podcasts.” It will even organize each of your subscriptions into it’s own folder. There should be a folder there for The Psychology Session, if you installed it correctly and downloaded at least one show.
There may also be some sort of Adam Curry iPodder Test Channel there, and you can just ignore that. Deleting it probably won’t actually make it go away. If you really don’t want it there, then you have to go into the Juice program and unsubscribe from the Adam Curry iPodder Test Channel, then go delete the folder. Otherwise, it will just keep downloading the welcome message for you. You will also be automatically subscribed to “Juice News” which doesn’t currently have any messages in it. You can unsubscribe from that or ignore it, whichever you prefer.
That’s it. You’d be subscribed to our show and ready to Podcatch!