Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 10 – Issue 7 – October, 2011
Wish me Luck – Saturday, October 15th – I will take the written portion of the examination to become a Certified Practitioner of Psychodrama, Sociometry, and Group Psychotherapy. A practical exam will follow in upcoming months. The exam is offered once yearly and I have been working towards this credential since October, 2004.
Debunking Myths – Telling Someone To Calm Down is Soothing
Myth: I’m not sure anyone really thinks that telling someone to calm down is soothing, but when I ask what people do when their children get upset, they consistently reply that they TELL their child to calm down, that they TELL the child that there’s nothing to worry about, that they TALK TO the child in an effort to calm him, and that they TRY TO CONVINCE the child that things are going to work out.
Fact: When someone is upset, telling them anything is unlikely to calm them down. What is likely to help soothe and comfort an upset person is LISTENING. To just hold your tongue and listen to what the upset person is saying can go a long way to calm and comfort the disturbed individual. You don’t have to agree with anything they’re saying. Listening is just listening, it isn’t automatic agreement. Just let the upset person talk for a little while. They may calm down all by themselves.
What’s even better than listening, wherever it is appropriate, is to HUG an upset person. This may not fly with the person whose car you just hit in the parking lot, but it might fly with your spouse and it almost certainly will fly with your child. What if your child is upset because he lost a privilege for his misbehavior? You can still hug him without giving in and giving him back the privilege. That’s a really nice thing about parenting, you can love a child and comfort him and discipline him all at once.
Most of the time we can’t even fix whatever’s upsetting the other person and listening or hugging is all we’ve really got to offer to help soothe the person, but instead of doing that, we often get nervous and start running our mouth instead. It’s probably just not necessary. Next time, instead of trying to talk someone out of feeling bad, just LISTEN while they do so, and HUG them when they’re finished telling you about it.
September Discussion Question: What did you wish you knew before you took your current job?
A long-time reader in Mississippi had this to say:
That I wasn’t actually going to need a job because I was going to meet my husband, get married, have kids and be a stay at home mom, which I love, love, love more than any job I’ve ever had.
Thanks for your submission! Great Answer! You will now be receiving the brand new Dr. Marlo Sunglasses!
October Discussion Question: What do you do when you start to feel helpless?
E-mail answers to: firstname.lastname@example.org and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them. Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive our Dr. Marlo Sunglasses!
Thought For The Day: Just because blame has been pointed it at you, doesn’t automatically make it yours. To complete the process, you must accept it.
PERSONAL GROWTH EXERCISE
To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise. These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services. The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs. E-Coaching Sessions are available for $50 each.
Less is More
The things we own, own us. The more things we bring into our lives, the more complicated they become. We must maintain or secure the things we buy. We have to maintain friendships or they disappear. We have to pay the bill for everything to which we subscribe. If we decide to dye the grey out of our hair once, we must repeat it indefinitely. Hosting a successful Halloween party one year results in friends planning to attend the next year. Housetraining a puppy requires time and effort. Bored puppies generally want a second puppy to play with. Two puppies, if unattended, will make 4 more puppies…
As we bring things into our lives, we generally think we are doing so for enjoyment. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy a puppy? We just often forget to take into consideration that all the things we enjoy require something from us – time, effort, money, emotional investment, or all of the above.
When you find your life too stressful, it is easy to think that going out and getting yourself something else to add to your collection will make you feel better. This month’s challenge is to try to turn that sort of thinking on it’s ear. Instead of trying to think what you can bring into your life to ease your troubles, try to think of something you could get rid of to lessen your responsibilities.
Am I suggesting you get rid of the beloved family dog? Of course not, but if you happen to have 5 dogs, 3 cats, 2 hampsters, a snake, and a tank full of fish, then, yes, I am suggesting that you consider reducing the amount of animals you are trying to keep. Am I suggesting you get rid of your flat-panel television and cancel your subscription to cable channels? Although that’s a fairly healthy suggestion, it’s not terribly realistic. Instead, I suggest you consider ridding yourself of 8 or 10 of your “favorite” shows and select just a few to follow, freeing up the equivalent of a part-time job’s worth of time to pursue other interests.
This month, look around and see what can go, not what you need to bring in.
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E-Coaching! Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness. Not every issue is a trauma. Not every botherment is an emotional disorder. For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching! Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth. We are offering the 10-Session package for $500. Begin by calling 480-705-5007 to make a $500 payment, then send an e-mail to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!
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Dr. Marlo in the Media
COMING NEXT MONTH – “Making Marriage a Success” by Jaleh Weber – a complilation book in which Dr. Marlo Archer is quoted.
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Grateful no one noticed that I didn’t put anything here last month! –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.