May 2008

Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 7 – Issue 5 – May, 2008

May is Mental Health Month – And Dr. Marlo TURNS 40! Let’s Celebrate! New customers referred by newsletter subscribers get their FIRST TWO SESSIONS FREE. Newsletter subscribers who are already customers get 40% OFF ALL SERVICES . (Must mention this newsletter to receive these special offers – Expires June 20, 2008). Forward this newsletter to your mailing list so you can share your mental health and so that your family, friends, and colleagues can get TWO FREE SESSIONS! If you’ve received a forwarded copy of this newsletter and would like to subscribe yourself, click here.

Debunking Myths – Women Can’t be Abusers

Myth: When we hear words like, “domestic violence,” “physical abuse,” “abusive relationship,” or “perpetrator,” we tend to think of men as the aggressor and of women as the victims simply because of how big and strong men are, compared to women. It seems almost impossible that a woman could bully a man or force herself upon him in an intimate nature. We tend to think that if a man is crying “abuse,” he must have started it, deserved it, or that he must be flat-out lying. Is it true that women can’t be abusers?

Fact: Women can be, and are, abusive. Although our typical view of abuse is of a large man physically assaulting a small woman, that is not always the case. Sometimes a woman is physically larger than, or stronger than, her male (or female) partner. Women are most frequently in charge of small children and, unfortunately, much abuse is suffered by children at the hands of women.

Additionally, men have been trained, in our society, that it is not appropriate to hit a girl. Women have not necessarily been given that same training about the inappropriateness of hitting boys. Therefore, in an extreme conflict, a woman may be even more inclined to slap, push, or throw something at a man, than the man would be to do the same to her. Further, women know that men are most likely to be suspected of abuse if police are involved and may be bolder about their physical attacks on their partners than a male who may be more afraid of being arrested and charged with assault. Additionally, society looks down upon a man who beats up on women. When women are charged with assault on men, society often jumps to the conclusion that he must have been doing something to deserve the beating. Thus, men may be more hesitant to engage in physical altercations than their female counterparts when tempers are flaring.

Finally, much abuse is emotional and leaves no scars or physical evidence and frankly, women are experts in this arena. Women are capable of doing some of the most hideous psychological abuse and often get away with it because it’s not even illegal. In fact, a woman can psychologically abuse a man for years, get away with it, and still have him arrested when he finally loses his mind and hits her. Of course, we are not condoning those actions, he should have left the abusive relationship long ago, but abusive relationships can be incredibly hard to leave.

Certainly, not all women are monsters, and not all men accused of abuse can blame a woman, but it is very true that women can be just as abusive as men, and possibly even more so.

March Discussion Question: What “mistake” have you made that positively enhanced your life in ways you didn’t anticipate?

Speaking of mistakes, I missed this outstanding response from last month. Sorry, Barbara! Your fabulous Dr. Marlo prizes are on their way!

Barbara, in AZ says this: The biggest mistake I ever made was denying I was an addict. At the time (24 years of time) I ran from the people who were trying to help me see that I was on spiral down to the depths of darkness. One night in 1990 my sister hit me over the head with the cosmic 2×4 and the words, Help me, I am an alcoholic came out of my mouth. 17 years of continuous sobriety has directed my life to helping other addicts. I’m blessed to do this through sharing my story, publishing and recovery events. Most everyone in my life today is on the path to recovery and they are the most incredible people on the planet. The best part is I have never been more alive in life!

April Discussion Question: What’s the best gift you can give to the next generation?

Frequent responder, Sue, in VA, offers this:

Time. I think of the next generation as the one my grandchildren will be in not so much the one my children are in. I wonder who will remember who Charlie Chaplin was. My Grand-daughter will because I told her about him, taught her his famous walk and showed her him in movies. Now, how important that will be when she becomes an adult is not really the issue….what is important is that she will remember the time I spent with her.

Great answer! Watch your mail for your treats!

I don’t exactly know what to make of this, but we also got the following response, from Krysta, in AZ: Bon Jovi!

Thank you, Krysta, for your participation. We will be sending you your exciting Dr. Marlo prizes. I suppose, if I think of it, I have certainly enjoyed the musical (and hair) stylings of Mr. Bon Jovi and am glad he is still around providing people with enjoyment.

May Discussion Question: When is it hardest for you to say you are sorry?

E-mail answers to: and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them. Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive our fantastic information cards, RECOVERY REMINDERS, and a couple of temporary tattoos, just for fun.

Thought For The Day: If three people tell you that they like your hat, it’s time to go look in the mirror, even if you’re pretty sure you’re not wearing a hat.

To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise. These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services. The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs. We currently offer a package of 10 E-Coaching Sessions for $500.

Pain Tension
I once had a new client, a 12-year-old boy, who had requested to see a psychologist by filling out a self-referral form at his school. One of the problems for which he was seeking help was “pain tension.” I thought that quite odd for such a youngster, but I appreciated his insightfulness regarding the source of his discomfort.

However, further discussion revealed that he had no pain or tension at all, and that he didn’t even really know what “pain tension” meant. He had simply been told, over and over, that he needed help “pain tension,” but had never been told what “pain tension” meant. I deduced that what people were actually trying to tell him was that he needed help “paying attention,” and that he was never going to learn how to do it if no one was even going to tell him what that meant.

As soon as he found out what people were talking about, he was able to focus his attention more effectively and his grades improved as well as his compliance with household expectations. He didn’t have a deficit in attention, he had a deficit in comprehension.

It’s amazing to me how often relationships suffer, not because of a lack of ability to change, but because of a lack of comprehension about change or about the necessity of change or about the importance of the change to the other individual.

For this month’s activity, you are encouraged to examine your relationships and notice where you have a bit of difficulty with someone that you are sure stems from their inability or unwillingness to do something different. Then, ask yourself if you have really made yourself clear to them or not. Have you really explained how important the issue is to you? Have you really explained your expectations? Have you even mentioned your disappointment or have you just been expecting them to read your mind and know how you feel?

When you find an issue that you may not have been entirely clear about, approach the person with whom you have the issue and respectfully make yourself quite clear before you decide that it’s all the other person’s fault. They may be focusing on their “pain tension” when you would rather they were “paying attention” to you.

For a FREE 5-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you! We may share your report in our next newsletter with your name, last initial, and state of residence (unless you tell us not to). Send to (Offer Expires 6-20-08)

E-Coaching! Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness. Not every issue is a trauma. Not every botherment is an emotional disorder. For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching! Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth. We are offering the 10-Session package for $500. Begin by using PayPal to send a $500 payment to, then send an e-mail to that same e-mail address, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!

Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness – Entertainment and Education
Something exciting is underfoot! Later this year, Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness will change venues. We will move this event from the office to our home where we will be able to accommodate up to 10 credentialed clinicians comfortably to enjoy a movie, popcorn, and informal continuing education. We will continue to show the movie for free and offer the CE certificate for $10. Suggest a movie now for our debut in September and mark your calendar for Thursday, September 11th from 6:15pm – 9:00pm. If your selection is chosen and you have included your mailing address, we will send you a FREE DVD MOVIE from previous years’ Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness. Sign up for Movie Madness updates by sending a blank e-mail with ‘subscribe’ in the subject line to

Publish Your Work – Promote your Practice – Two ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $15, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included). We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions. Current subscribers = 2722. Send creative contributions to:

Dr. Marlo in the Media
We write a monthly column about teenagers for Arizona Together Newspaper, Arizona’s Good News “Newspaper,” Established 1991. Read May’s Article, about “Senioritis,” online. Arizona Together currently reaches 50,000 readers monthly who are interested in recovery from addictions of all kinds.

The Psychology Session – Internet Radio Show – ON HIATUS – Season Three closed with special guests, Neil Weiner and Cheryl Mallory. Listen to that compelling show by clicking here. All three seasons of The Psychology Session are available online – you can play them right out of the webpage! Great job, Producer Jon! We continue to welcome show suggestions and advertising sales and look forward to our FOURTH and FINAL season, beginning in August . E-mail suggestions or inquiries to Order SEASONS ONE THROUGH THREE ON CD! Only $20. Send requests to

I am grateful that I can potentially work for another 40 years! –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.

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