Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 9 – Issue 2 – November, 2010
Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk – November 12, 13, & 14 – Celebrate with survivors and supporters who will walk 60 miles in 3 days and turn the streets of Tempe, Scottsdale, and Phoenix PINK! My participation in the 2006 3-Day introduced me to neighbor Debbie Wallace who was preparing to walk in Seattle. This year she’ll walk in Phoenix and could use your Support. Fellow therapist Marcie Edmonds is also walking this year. Any Donation is appreciated.
Debunking Myths – You Never Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression
Myth: Advertisers would have us believe that unless we have the perfect hair, the perfect outfit, the perfect nails, the perfect jewelry, the perfect shoes, the perfect car, and the perfect teeth, we will never get a job, make a friend, get married, or have any sort of success in life whatsoever. Constant media messages urge us towards unobtainable perfectionism by promoting the fear that once a person sees our weaknesses they will have nothing further to do with us.
Fact: Although there is an unfortunate bit of truth to this myth, it is nowhere near as dismal as the advertising industry would have us believe. It is true that people size each other up in nanoseconds and that thousands of pieces of subconscious data are logged immediately, helping to form a “first impression.” A well-groomed, sharply-dressed person will make a more favorable impression than a shabbily clothed person with dirty hair will. If you make a colossal fool of yourself upon first meeting someone, it will be hard for them to put that experience behind and change their impression of you to a more favorable one without considerable work on your part. If you say something rude and insulting to someone, it will take something on par with a miracle to reverse that experience.
However, a great deal of information is conveyed subconsciously from one person to another regardless of outward appearances or overt behavior. A phenomenon known as “tele” happens between people and it happens in the blink of an eye. It is the exchange of information about the true essence of a person that takes place without words. I’m sure you’ve all had the experience where you meet someone and for no reason whatsoever, you just instantly don’t like them, or don’t trust them, or feel like you want to get away from them. You probably fought that feeling, thinking it was quite politically incorrect to simply dislike someone for no reason, but the truth is that there probably is a very good reason, you just aren’t aware of that reason. Perhaps they remind you of someone who hurt you. Perhaps they’re actually quite untrustworthy or dangerous. We have a good deal of animal instincts left that haven’t been conditioned out of us us and we would do well to pay attention to the signals we receive even if they don’t make sense right off the bat.
If you are a generally good and decent person, others will pick up on that, regardless of what you’re wearing, driving, or carrying. Those things help to make a good impression, but nothing works better than integrity, honor, class, dignity, humility, and respect for other humans.
Oh, feel free to buy all that stuff that makes you look and feel nice, but don’t do it at the expense of working on your true impression-maker, your actual character.
October Discussion Question: What is your biggest accomplishment in the last two years?
Thanks to two steadfast readers, both from WI, who offer these great, and similar, responses:
My biggest accomplishment over the last 2 years is successfully removing a very unhealthy ‘black hole of need’ from my life. Although it was tough at first, it sure has taken a serious amount of stress out of my life. Baby steps to a happy and healthier life. — Laura A.
This may not seem like a big accomplishment to some, but ending my 10 year relationship with my boyfriend has been. Many things prevented me from doing so in the last few years and the biggest being fear and insecurity. I finally did it and while I have bad days I still feel good about it and know I did the right thing for me now. — Anna K.
November Discussion Question: To whom do you owe a sincere thanks that you never got to thank in person?
E-mail answers to: email@example.com and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them. Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive our fantastic information cards, RECOVERY REMINDERS, and a couple of temporary tattoos, just for fun.
Thought For The Day: Do not seek to cure all the ills in the world until your own household is well.
PERSONAL GROWTH EXERCISE
To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise. These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services. The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs. We currently offer a package of 10 E-Coaching Sessions for $500.
What’s In A Name?
The Mayor of the City of Tempe from 1930-1932 and from 1934-1937 was named Thanks Anderson. Born on Thanksgiving Day 1889, he was given the first name, Thanks. What is quite strange, however, is that he also died on Thanksgiving Day, in 1974. I would be very curious to hear how his name influenced not only his date of birth and death, but all the days between. Shakespeare posits that a name is meaningless – a rose by any other name would smell as sweet – and yet when we meet a woman named Rose, do we not expect her to be sweet, or pure, or dainty? And, if names aren’t really important, why has the name Adolph dropped almost completely off the list of popular baby names for the last 70 years?
This month the challenge is to think about your own name and what it means to you. Divide a piece of paper into sections, one for your first name, one for your middle name (if you have one), one for your maiden name (if you have one), one for your last name, and one for any additional names you carry (a former name, a confirmation name, a widely-used nickname, etc.)
In each section, jot down what that name means to you. You can write in whole sentences, phrases, or just in single words, it doesn’t matter. Just jot down the essence of what having that name has meant to you over the years and what it means to you now. Try to drum up as many associations as you can. Were you named after a person, place, or thing, or an idea, or a personality type? Does your family name carry with it characteristics that you all share? Did you choose a new name for yourself, and if so, why? Do you use your middle name over your first name, why or why not? Do different people call you different things? Has your name changed over time to match who you have changed into?
Once you have jotted down all of your ideas, take a look at all the positive and negative connotations. At this point, you can work to consciously improve on the negatives and maintain the positives. If there are aspects of your name that you like or dislike, you can emphasize or de-emphasize them at this time, knowing consciously why you’re making that choice.
For a FREE 5-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you! We may share your report in our next newsletter with your name, last initial, and state of residence (unless you tell us not to). Send to FreeSessions@drmarlo.com. (Offer Expires 12-01-10)
E-Coaching! Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness. Not every issue is a trauma. Not every botherment is an emotional disorder. For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching! Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth. We are offering the 10-Session package for $500. Begin by calling 480-705-5007 to make a $500 payment, then send an e-mail to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!
Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness – Entertainment and Education
Okay, let’s try this again! We have now moved this event from the office to our home. We’re also going to try a new day/time – Fridays at 2:00pm. We can now accommodate up to 10 credentialed clinicians (who are not allergic to cats) comfortably to enjoy a movie, popcorn, and informal continuing education. We will continue to show the movie for free and will now also offer the CE certificate for free. Suggest a movie now for our return in January and mark your calendar for Friday, January 28th from 2:00pm – 4:30pm. Future dates: February 25th, March 25th, and April 8. If your selection is chosen and you have included your mailing address, we will send you a FREE DVD MOVIE from previous years’ Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness. Sign up for Movie Madness updates by sending a blank e-mail with ‘subscribe’ in the subject line to MovieMadness@drmarlo.com.
Publish Your Work – Promote your Practice – Two ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $25, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included). We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions. Send creative contributions to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Dr. Marlo in the Media
Read Dr. Marlo’s article, “Slippery Slope of Lying” in the October issue of Together Arizona Newspaper. Click here.
I think I’m on a roll now! –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.