This plaque hangs in the home of my friend, “God gave us TWO ears and ONE mouth. He intends for us to do twice as much listening as talking.”
Most marital conflicts would be resolved much more effortlessly if folks would follow this advice.
What typically happens in an arguement is that each person becomes completely fixated on HAVING the other person HEAR THEM, which means they must keep on talking incessantly until their partner HEARS THEM. However, the other person is generally just as fixated on having the first person HEAR THEM, so they also keep talking incessantly, with the end result being two people talking simultaneously, talking over one another, and not listening to a darn word the other person is saying, which fuels the feud and makes each person exert even more energy towards BEING HEARD.
When you find yourself in a discussion that is going nowhere, stop and listen. Listening doesn’t mean you’re giving up, it doesn’t mean you’re agreeing, it doesn’t mean you’re going to DO anything other than just listen. When the other person sees that you actually are listening, they can settle down a little and stop trying so hard to be heard. When someone feels truly listened to, they become more generous and willing to listen to you.
So, use your TWO ears much more than you use your ONE mouth and save yourself a lot of HEADACHES!